By Grady D. King
This article is for ministers. Part two is for elders.
I am blessed to have served five congregations and was never “let go or fired.” In every ministry, I chose to leave or discerned a family need, or calling. This I know.
It is best for the minister to initiate a transition
long before the elders decide for you.
The way a minister leaves shapes the health of the congregation, the wellbeing of the leader, and the congregation for months. When a minister begins with a church, we are hopeful when it comes time to leave, we have Paul’s experience.
“When Paul had finished speaking, he knelt with all of them and prayed.
They all wept as they embraced him and kissed him. What grieved them
most was his statement that they would never see his face again. Then
they accompanied him to the ship. –-Acts 20.36-38 (ESV)
Too often, this is far from reality. It is more like—how soon can you ship out? An out of sight, out of mind approach—the sooner the better. But for who? Transitions are hard and fraught with intense emotions—sad, mad and glad. And it is true for the church too.
Let’s face it. We don’t do transition well whether by choice or termination. Because we are humans, and not robots, no one is an expert on leaving. Poor communication, unrealistic expectations, a dissatisfied group within the congregation, power, and dishonesty accumulate over time. It doesn’t have to be.
So, how does a minister and elders’ transition?
Leaving is not the issue, leaving well is. As one writer states: “Leaving well graces a congregation.” Because congregations are emotional systems, how transitions take place impact the congregation. “
William Bridges in his work Transitions: Making Sense of Life’s Changes distinguishes between change and transition.
Change is external and situational. Transition is an internal,
psychological reorientation from what one has experienced.
Change is inevitable—a moment in time. Transition takes place over time in phases. Bridges labels the phases as Ending/Letting Go, Neutral Zone, and New Beginning. The neutral zone is the tension between goodbye to what was and hello to what will be.
The word goodbye is contracted from an Old English word, God be with ye’.
Some Keys for Transitioning Well
1) Open communication is non-negotiable. It applies to the elders, minister and the church. Being vague or misrepresenting the reasons, or failure to take responsibility, compounds
the pain. Reactivity (making a big decision in the spur of the moment), blame displacement,
herding (gathering a group to get their way or justify actions) and quick fix mentality
are principles of family systems. Elders bear the weight of their decision and are
called to shepherd anxious people as well as themselves and the minister.
In Churches of Christ, the elders have final responsibility. Yet, ministers have a responsibility as servants and stewards of the gospel—followers of Jesus Christ. A transition is not one-sided. A minister must pay attention to his words, actions, and anxiety. This is not easy, but speaking in anger toward the church or elders—even when calling it “telling it like it is”—can cause deep harm. The church is bigger than any minister. Humility, not ego, shows the spirit of Christ.
2) Draft a Plan. Once a decision is made thoughtful attention must be given to an agreed upon plan. Most of the time, ministers already have some things in mind. Elder do as well. There are many things to consider. Working together is more helpful than being adversarial and assuming that the other will take advantage. Pastoral care should be the motive for the other and the congregation. Paul had his share of critics in Corinth. His perspective is instructive for us.
“For we are God’s servants, working together; you are God’s field, God’s building. Do you not know that you are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in you? If anyone destroys God’s temple, God will destroy that person. For God’s temple is holy, and you are that temple.”—1 Corinthians 3.9,16 (NRSV)
A mutually considerate plan provides clarity and stability. Some of the key components of the plan includes notifying the church; choosing a spokesperson (elder or minister; an elder response and written communication (the reason, timeline, kingdom focus, family needs, appreciation, blessing, etc.) A consistent message and spirit from the leaders are vital in helping the church in transition. Silence and withdrawal by leaders are often interpreted as “What’s really going on?”
3) Schedule Intentional Margin/Quiet Time. Once the plan is in place, make room in your schedule for intentional margin and quiet time to process. Constantly meeting with people who are sad is exhausting. Those who are mad generally don’t talk to you—a least for a while. Do not hide from people, rather carve out time to abide with God in prayer and solitude so that you can engage people in a healthy, spirit filled manner.
4) Preach Openly about the God of Transition. During the time you are preparing to leave, focus the church on God. It is not a time to air your true feelings or rebuke the church and certainly not the elders. Preach and teach the biblical narrative of how God has always transitioned and provided for his people. In fact, God is always ahead of his people and trust is the way.
5) Insist for an Exit Interview with the Elders (Leaders). Frankly, this is rare in ministry but essential to good closure. It is all about learning. I once heard a pastor say: “We don’t fail, we learn but without reflection, there is no learning.” Since this applies to the minister and elders, the next article will provide a guide for an exit interview.
Learning in transition sets the tone for yourself, the next minister and the church.
For now, Goodbye— “God be with ye’
Want to Know More? I enjoy helping leaders and churches get on mission. Contact me if you would like a conversation tool to adapt and use in your church. I will listen and pray. The discernment process has been used in churches of less than 50 and over 200+. I am a product of a small church who invested in my faith, hope, and love in Jesus Christ.
Grady D. King, D. Min
grady@hopenetworkministries.org